Long, long, long, long, long week.

So, here we are again. What is this, a mere four days since my last post? Well… let’s go over my week. Lets start at one of my favorite parts so far. Patty. Mmm, love to hate that girl. I don’t even remember if I wrote that I contacted Patty again to be friends, just friends and that was the intention; don’t even get me started on that. I didn’t even start with her, it was her friend Rappe (actually Michael, but Rappe’s the nick). He was a really cool guy and he knows Patty well since his girlfriend Maddie is her best friend. Well we got to talking and I decided that I would like to be friends with Patty. But then we started talking about why things didn’t work out and who’s fault it was and personally I felt like I got the heavy hand that I didn’t deserve, which again, bear with me, is probably true. So, after a long time of talking I realized that I indeed, still loved her, and like an idiot, I blurted this out. Understandably she was upset and understandably didn’t want anything to do with it. I made promises and such but nothing came of it. Two days after my confession of love, I get slammed with, “Would you mind if I went out on a date with ?” Yea. That hurt.

Now, here is where things get interesting. A girl that I love and have attempted dating and I had another little fling where we wanted to get together again. This was two days after I got stabbed in the gut (figuratively). So, we had a night of happiness and talking and yay, happy days. Then she gets to thinking about the hang ups. We live really far apart. Toughy, yes, but not unconquerable. I say I plan on visiting, which I still wish were an option but I really don’t know. Fire number two. I want kids, she doesn’t. This one took me a little longer, but finally I decided that I was willing to give up my dream of having a son and daughter (Cyrus and Aurora) for her. Didn’t even get to tell her before fire number three. This one was the, “I need an irreversible commitment from you.” one. Yea, can’t do that. Can’t do that for any girl unless I’m damn sure she’s the one I’m gonna marry, and that commitment will be made the second I decide to propose. Now, she hasn’t been around which is good because I need some time off from the drama with her, and bad because I really need her to keep my sanity sometimes.

And now, for the finale. I used to be really, really, really good friends with a woman. She and I had some… moments together and one day she accused me of only using her for “entertainment”. That… tore me up. I really was not the same guy I used to be after she accused me of that. And I had to cut off connections with her and some others I knew through her to keep my sanity, because it was slipping. Well, long story short, two years later. Two years. We just got back together and all around apologies and exchanged words of loves, which I maintain we still both do love each other, but again, just yesterday, I got accused of using her again.

Long story short, I’m really not doing well. I’m watching most of my long standing friends fall around me or slowly leave to new things. It’s not a good feeling and I don’t want it to keep going. Lucky for me I’ve found some more friends in a game I used to play that I picked up again because I was bored one day. I hope things get better.