Changes

Merry meet.

So, as some of you may know, and others of you do not, I've begun to start a sleep schedule. Up at 6, down at 10. Now, I've been trying to work out a routine to get my body used to this, and it's working fairly well, but I wanted to add something to my routine. I want to start writing for you guys again, the few of you who bother to read this, the few who really care.
So, in my first blog that isn't me whining about something (not completely at least) I want to say thank you to you, the readers. It's always nice to let my feelings get out somehow, and most times I do it in a few capacities. I love you all, even the few that may come here just to hear someone else's problems so that you don't have to focus on your own for a moment. I know how valuable those moments can be, and I'm glad I can share in that part of your life in some small way.

So, what do I plan to talk about every night? I have no idea, but I feel that it's something that's always been missing from my life. I love writing, but never write. Ironic, huh? So, while I sit here, waiting for my sleepy time tea to cool and listen to some of my more soothing music (which generally happens to be about love) I'll think of things to say.

For starters, today I was really scared. I know, shocking to some of you, and others of you are thinking, "So what?" Well, I haven't been scared, really scared, in a long time. Sure, I've been worried, anxious, even a little cautious, but today I realized something about myself that really scares me. I'm a guy who will go to a lot of lengths for a girl, and I think I've discovered a lot of
that length is to get a chance to get into her panties. Blunt, I know, but hear me out.

I've had a friend that I've known as long as I've known my best friend. Now, subconsciously I always knew she had a crush on me, but I chose to block that out, until recently. Maybe it's the desire for a relationship to sustain me, maybe something else, all I know is that feeling each other up in the back of a dark theater is not where I want to be. Well, it is, because I'm a guy and love sexual things. Sue me. Then, things started to get a bit more interesting; for instance, she said I could give her head, which she knows I've always wanted to try, and she hinted at the possibility of other delights. Again, blunt, I know.

At first I was excited, ecstatic even, to be the object of her sexual desires. Then, when I stopped and took a minute from my purposefully distracting life, I thought, "What in the hell am I doing? This isn't how I want to experience this." And that's when I got scared. I let myself get carried away, and I was nervous and even sick to my stomach at the thought of what could have happened if I hadn't refused the offer as soon as all this hit me. To be frank, I'm still a little shaken up.

Maybe what we all really want, is sex after all. Goddess, I hope not, otherwise we're all in for a bit of hell.

My tea's ready.

Blessed be.