A new look on life

Today was an interesting day for me. Well, I suppose it wasn’t technically today, but this morning… early morning. Many of you probably didn’t know that I smoked in the first place, quit, and then subsequently came back to smoking. But the majority of you, save a few individuals, didn’t know that I quit this morning again. I would like to say that I came to the conclusion that this was bad for me was because of myself and my own willpower. Sadly, this isn’t true. It took two very select individuals to make me realize this.

First, there was Audrey. We were making our way to the hookah bar (which is something I can’t give up because I love that place so much, but I do want to cut back) and on the way my friend Kevin offered me a cigar and I accepted it. It was when I went to light it that I caught a glimpse of a look that at least I thought I saw on her face about it. Now, it must be noted that I am very, very interested in Audrey, and currently things are going well. Anyway, this look on her face, at least to me seemed to say, “I really, really wish he didn’t smoke.” This seemed to be followed by a soft, moderately hidden sigh, or maybe I just imagined it. But this look was the moment I knew that I really would have to quit smoking.

Secondly, I owe part of it to my friend Kevin, who is quitting with me. We went outside for a smoke, and we ended up really connecting. We decided, right then and there, to smoke all but three cigarettes each of what we had on us, and save the last three for one last smoke break with friends and the other two for a drive back to Madison this weekend. We also walked around town until about three in the morning, just talking and having a good time. We decided to get serious about being grown up. Not to say that I won’t act just as immature as ever, gods no. I just mean that it’s finally time to take life for what it really is and not what I want it to be.

I suppose, if I were to give you a quote that I think I made up myself just now for this situation, it would be, “There’s a point in your life when someone will ask you what you want to do with your life. Instead of saying be a good person, fall in love, or make it big, I would like to say on that day, that I will love everyone and support myself and possibly my family. It’s a huge commitment, yes. Yes, you will fail, be sure of it. But even if you fail, you know that you will pick yourself up again, and be on the right path.”

Maybe it’s all the nicotine and tobacco, or possibly some other things I may have smoked, but I really, truly, and fully think that this is the moment for change. I’m tired of being sad, I’m tired of not giving everything my all, and I’m tired of excepting no as an answer when the answer should be yes. I’m moving on.